


Hang on to What You've Got

by Bdoyle1807



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 12:05:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9656774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bdoyle1807/pseuds/Bdoyle1807
Summary: Daisy is given a reprieve by Mace...but what about Coulson and May.  There is definitely an elephant in the room.  Time to address the issue.  Did she think they'd have nothing to say?





	

Daisy paced outside the beveled glass door unconsciously nibbling on her thumb nail. She stopped every few seconds and stared at it over non-existent eye-glasses then began pacing with renewed energy. Whatever the force that kept her from opening that door was composed of; all of her tumultuous power could not break it.

She could not believe the hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach, one she was sadly familiar with having paced outside the principal’s as well as the Mother Superior’s office on many more occasions than she cared to admit. But that was years ago, years ago when she was Mary Sue Poots and had no power of any kind over her life. Now she was Agent Daisy Johnson – Quake to a fan-frenzied public – and there was no reason to be so damn scared. Hell, she could blast them across the city in a heartbeat.

But she wouldn’t…not ever…and maybe that was the root of her dread. 

She also knew if she didn’t make a move and walk through that door soon, they’d be coming out to get her. Two hours…two full hours it took her to get to this point and now she was seriously considering just backing down the hall and finding a nice quiet hiding place. She knew all the best ones, she’d used them often enough. After all, this could just blow over or something would come up and they’d be off on some mission. Maybe they’d just forget about it, she deluded herself.

“What ever are you waiting for?” Jemma’s shrill accusation caused her to jump. Talk about letting your guard down, she hadn’t even heard Simmons coming. Of course, Jemma was getting very good at stealth. She bit off a piece of nail and shuffled from one foot to the other shrugging her shoulders. “What are you waiting for, just go in there and get it over with,” Jemma scolded.

The look on Daisy’s face was precious. It was something Jemma had not seen for such a very long time and she took a deep breath to stop the tears she could feel forming. The girl she considered her very best friend, her little sister, her comrade in arms had been gone for so long and she’d missed her dearly. The fear that their bond had been broken loomed over her for so long and right now she secretly felt that whatever awaited her behind that door was well deserved. And she hoped they gave it to her in spades. The only regret she had was that she could not be part of it.

But at the same time Daisy looked terrified…guilty, but just as terrified and Jemma’s instinct to protect her was overwhelming. She reached out and took Daisy’s hand from her mouth, rubbing the tip of her own thumb over the jagged nail of her friend’s. “I thought you’d broken this very bad habit.” She smiled. “I guess we’ll have to have a manicure,” she smiled at Daisy’s small grin. “After you’ve finished this business,” her tone became stern once again.

Daisy shook her head. “I don’t think I can, Jemma.”

“I don’t think you have a choice. What are you so afraid of, what do you think they’re going to do? Spank you?” Jemma folded her arms over her chest yet a small grin tickled the edges of her mouth.  
Daisy’s face turned scarlet with an uncontrollable smile. “Wha…I…no…geez, Jemma, I’m not a ten year old.” She let a soft flutter escape over her lips.

“Right,” Jemma patted her arm. “You’re not, so be a big girl and get in there and take what ever it is they’re about to give you.”

“Mace already read me the riot act and they’re not even in charge anymore. I can’t see why I have to hear it again.” Daisy groaned.

“I think this is a bit different.” Jemma offered taking the girl by the elbow and moving her closer to the door. “I don’t think they want to speak to you as your boss. I think it will be more of a mum and dad type lecture.” Simmons gave a sympathetic smile.

Daisy pulled away and turned to face her friend. “Come on Jemma, they’re not my parents.” Jemma merely frowned at her. “They’re probably glad they’re not.” She added under her breath but the scientist heard.

“Daisy,” she said her name in that sing-song way. “I have had a bit more experience with this parent thing than you and…”

“And I’ve had a lot more experience with this being in trouble thing, Jem-ma.” Daisy finished and smiled. “Doesn’t make it any easier,” she suddenly found the tip of her boots very interesting. “I just don’t think…I can’t face them. Not like this. It’s easier to just…just…”

“Go through the motions? Pretend?” Jemma suggested. “Fitz and I tried that. It doesn’t work out very well. You all need to do this so just go in there and get it over with.” 

Daisy’s shoulders fell as she let out a defeated sigh and allowed a pout to take over her features. “Come with me?” 

“As tempting as that may be,” Jemma fought the urge to jump at that offer. “You’ve gotten your self into this mess and you’ll have to take care of it as well. Just get it over with and everything will be fine.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I can’t believe you…you, Daisy Johnson…Quake, for goodness sake…is so very afraid of a little reprimand.” Jemma shook her head, secretly trying to make the contrite younger agent feel even guiltier than she already did. It was an age old older sibling ploy and as an only child Dr. Simmons had never gotten to use it. Yes, make your younger sister feel worse as you discretely try to build up her confidence.

“Little?” Daisy raised her eyebrows. “Apparently you’ve never been on the receiving end of one.”

“And apparently you’ve forgotten that Chitauri virus and my attempt at free falling.” Jemma smiled thinking she had pulled a trump card.

“One time, Jemma, one time…” Daisy almost whined.

“Agent Sitwell at the Hub…” Jemma had an ace up her sleeve.

“And I was right there with you…AND still there having my head handed to me after you were dismissed.” Daisy apparently was holding a full house.

Jemma brushed her hand in the air between them, dismissing the conversation. “None of that matters now, Daisy.” She reached out and took the girl by the shoulder, pointed her toward the door and gave her a soft shove. “Get in there!” Daisy glanced over her shoulder but before she could protest, Jemma finished. “And that’s an order Agent Johnson.” She turned the knob and the door opened a crack. Jemma stepped back, held out her palm in a ‘get going’ motion and gave a curt nod.

There was no turning back now. She couldn’t very well pull the door closed and take off…well, she could but that would just make it worse. She glared at Simmons for a second then pushed the door open and stepped inside. 

If the opaque door didn’t give the occupants a clear view of her silhouette, she’d stay for the show…but she was sure she’d get a blow by blow description later…when she visited little sis to offer sympathy and support. Jemma smiled as she moved off to let Fitz know the little ‘brat’ had finally been brought to justice.

Daisy closed the door quietly and stood just inside, hands clasped together at her waist, eyes cast to the floor. “You wanted to see me.” She spoke barely above a mumbled whisper.

“Sure you didn’t wear a ditch in the hall out there?” Coulson asked stifling a laugh.

“Took you long enough,” May admonished at the same time, casting a quick nonverbal warning toward the man.

“N-no…I mean yes, yes ma’am.” Daisy did not raise her head and rolled her eyes at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. What the hell was she doing? She’d told Simmons she was not a child, but standing here, in front of them, she just couldn’t help it. The memory of May chewing her out after that incident at the prison flashed across her memory. She was ready for a fight, ready to let them know she’d do exactly as she pleased and all it took was a few words from May in that, that May-tone and she was speechless. Coulson had the same effect, he ordered her to med-bay and despite her meek protest the orders were followed. He’d cut her off mid-sentence. It took a lot to make him angry but when she recognized that silent simmer it shook her to the core. Not Quake-shake, terror shake and she backed off choosing not to make it worse. 

All that and now here she stood, sinful and sorrowful…oh, geez, somewhere in her head she remembered words from a prayer said so many times as she grew up at St. Agnes. And for the first time she actually knew what it meant. She considered apologizing, considered begging for forgiveness for all the good it would do. 

“You know why you’re here.” May wasn’t asking, just making a statement so Daisy just nodded. “Verbal response,” she ordered drumming her fingers on the edge of Phil’s desk.

Daisy shuffled from foot to foot and mumbled again. “Yes, I do.”

“Good,” May hissed. “We won’t have to waste time with that.”

“Why don’t you come and sit down?” Phil suggested rising from his seat behind the desk and moving toward her.

Now she really wanted to turn, pull open the door and run far and fast, but he had her arm and was leading her to a chair…next to May…in front of his desk. Memories of Sr. Gerardis and her lethal wooden paddle flashed across her memory. She shook it away. “I…I’m okay…really, I can stand.” She stood in front of the chair, refusing to take it.

“Really, we’d rather if you sat down.” Phil smiled.

“Sit down.” May commanded, stressing the ‘t’ and the ‘d’ with hard punctuation.  
Daisy nodded and slowly eased herself into the chair as Phil leaned against his desk facing her. She looked at his shoes wondering if she got close enough could see her reflection in them. She was not ready to meet his gaze so staring at his shoes was the next best thing.

“Do you realize what you put us through?” May began, turning toward her and continuing before she barely had a chance to register the inquiry. “Do you know the man hours we put into searching for you…covering your ass?”

“Let her talk, May.” Coulson attempted to keep the peace, for the time being.

“I needed time to…” Daisy started.

“Time to what?!” May snapped. “Time to aggravate every agency, alienate every ally, provoke every enemy and make new ones on top of that…damn it, Daisy, you gave Nadeer the ammunition she needed to go after the very people you wanted to protect.” She punctuated each word pounding her fist on the arm of her chair.

“I was trying to protect all of you.” Daisy countered finally raising her head to meet May’s glare. 

“Protect us?” May huffed barely containing her rage. “What you did was selfish and stupid!” Her voice rose although she remained calm.

“I was in pain, May, I needed…”

“Do you think you’re the only one who hurts? Do you think that is something that belongs exclusively to you?” May demanded.

“I lost…”

“You lost? YOU LOST? Dammit Skye!” May hadn’t slipped; she’d used the name on purpose. She rose from her seat and paced back and forth between Daisy and Phil. “You think you’re the only one that lost something? The only one that survived, yes survived something tragic. We all lost something, all of us.” She took a shaky breath and looked Coulson in the eye before continuing.

“But, Lincoln…” Daisy tried to interject

“Fitz came close to this close to losing his life…his mind.” She held her thumb and fore finger a hare’s breath apart. “Simmons…Simmons lost her tie to this universe. Bobbi and Hunter lost their place. Phil lost his hand, his hand Daisy!” May rarely lost her cool but she was coming very close. “We have all LOST, all of us. We’ve lost our homes, our past, our friends and people we love…”

Phil interrupted hoping to give May a chance to resume control. “We’ve all lost something. We’ve all survived terrible tragedies.” 

Daisy stopped, froze suddenly forgetting any comeback she had. She looked from May to Coulson and back down at her hands. She’d lost Lincoln. Yes, she loved him…thought she did anyway but she also thought she loved Ward and her crazy birth parents and Miles and Trip, funny, always happy Trip. She thought she loved all of them and that somehow that love cursed them and her as well. Miles turned out to be a hypocrite more in love with money than any moral ideology he preached. Ward was a monster with the ability to shift and turn himself into whatever you needed him to be long before Hive took over his body. Cal…well he was just crazy, frighteningly bat shit crazy and Jaiying was a psychopath who would have taken her life to prove a point…together they were homicidal maniacs and she was their progeny, perhaps the reason why so much doom followed her. She still could not think about Trip and that horrible day, that day that changed everything. And then dear sweet Lincoln, he actually said he loved her and then he died to save the world because Hive wanted to use HER blood to create an army of mutants to conquer it. His life for hers. All of them, she truly believed she loved, wanted to love and she might as well have killed them all. Hell, everyone in that village in China died because of her. 

“We’ve lost limbs, abilities and sometimes our will to go on. Hell, a few weeks ago we almost lost Coulson and Fitz, but when you left…when you deliberately walked off…when you pushed us away…then we lost you and that, that Daisy was the hardest lost of all.” May’s voice became softer, calmer. 

“I was trying to protect you.” Daisy whispered to herself.

“You were trying to wall yourself up and shut out everything and that just doesn’t work.” May cut her off. “I told you that before.”

“We were here for you.” Coulson added quietly. He had still to lose the temper he was holding. Daisy could feel it. May knew it as fact.

“I didn’t want you to be. I wanted to be alone.” Daisy shot back, ignoring the soft rumble that quivered the room.

“And…” May barked, waiting for the girl to finish her truth.

“And what?” Daisy demanded jumping to her feet and standing face to face with May. Items on the desk and shelves shivered. A coffee mug danced to the edge of a low table and crashed to the floor.

“Control yourself!” May growled and Daisy pulled back the power that was slipping free. She breathed deeply and squeezed her hands into tight fists. The rumbling stilled as she exhaled.

“What did you really want…why did you really leave?” May poked a finger into the girl’s shoulder with each word, pushing her back a step with each.

“I wanted to die!” She shouted back, now advancing on the older agent. “Is that what you want to hear? I wanted to end all the pain…I just wanted it to stop…I just…wanted…”

“To hurt us that much?” Coulson asked the anger finally showing in his voice. “You were that angry with us?”

“What…no,” the girl squinted at him. “I wasn’t angry with you. I was angry with…with me.”

“Selfish and stupid, like I said.” May huffed. 

“It wasn’t like that!” Daisy shot back.

“Then explain it, Agent…explain what it was like!” May countered, now pushing the girl in the opposite direction.

Daisy tied but failed to control her anger. “You_wouldn’t_understand!” 

May’s eyes narrowed to almost nonexistent lines of fury. She spat out the words through clenched teeth. “Understand? I wouldn’t understand?!” She turned her back on the girl and took a few steps then spun back causing Daisy to jump, despite her defensive stance. “How dare you,” May sneered. “How dare you even assume that I would not know…not understand. Are you actually that arrogant that you think you have a monopoly on pain? That you’re the only one that has ever lost everything you THOUGHT you had? Is that what I won’t understand?”

Daisy could feel her heart racing, her breath coming in short bursts as her mentor advanced on her, letting loose all the pent up anger.

“Or is it that I won’t understand your need to put up a wall, a chasm between yourself and EVERYTHING you do have, EVERYONE that cares anything about you?” Daisy had backed up to the wall and May was still advancing, she would not back down. The girl was determined not to do so either. “I told you I created that move. Damn it to hell, Skye, I created you!” She stopped and turned away, defusing the spark that was close to setting off Daisy’s equally volatile temper. 

“May…I…”

The woman held up a hand, but did not turn back. Instead she drew a breath and swallowed hard. “You hurt us all, Daisy…” She stopped again, her voice sounding unusually weak. “You hurt m…” There was a long pause. “You hurt me!” There she said it, probably one of the hardest things she’d ever said. She turned slowly and Daisy could see she had set her jaw to hold the angry tears threatening to fall. “I didn’t carry you or hold you or nurture you, but damn it I created you and I…you…that means something to me. I thought it did to you.” The anger was still there, simmering below the calm tone May used. She couldn’t bring herself to say it but she loved this pain the ass, always in trouble, stole a piece of my heart kid. She couldn’t remember when it happened but she understood Coulson’s attachment to her and that was something that despite Daisy’s recent lack of common (hell any kind of) sense, could not be broken. She took a breath and continued admonishing the girl. “You are still a kid. You took a stupid risk. You could have been killed…you still might.” 

Was that a threat? Daisy wasn’t sure. Did May just admit to feeling like her mother? Is that what this was…is that why she was so angry? She knew there’d be a dressing down, a lecture, a consequence of some sort…but she was sure this was not protocol.

“May, I never…” She started, not sure where the comment would go or how it would end.

“Enough!” Coulson’s voice broke through the women’s confrontation. He’d watched and heard as much as he could. It was his turn. Both stopped and turned toward him.

“We’ve all made mistakes but this is never to happen again, Daisy, EVER. Do you understand?” Coulson’s voice was firm and left no room for argument. He continued before she could react. “We are your family. If you have a problem, any problem, you come to us. I know you never had that, but that’s how it works. When you’re sad, when you’re hurt, when you’re scared or broken or just sick and tired of feeling like you’re carrying the weight of the world you come to us, to me, to May, to Simmons or Fitz and we will get you through it. We’ll push or pull or carry or drag you, but we will get through it because that’s what we do…together.” He was shouting and the anger flickered in his eyes, but she understood and knew he cared. Drawing a deep breath he continued. “I know I’m not your father, Daisy, but I don’t have to tell you that you are the closest thing to a daughter I will ever have and damn it, I will not lose that. Not again, not ever.” The anger was still there but his voice was lower, calmer.

“I’m sorry.” Daisy said quietly, looking directly into his eyes and blinking back tears. “I don’t know how to fix this.” Her restraint broke and those tears streamed freely down her cheeks. “I should have come to you…should have let you…but everything was so…so much and everyone was so easy on me and I didn’t deserve…I deserved to be punished. Mack just…he just forgave me,” she held back the sob threatening break free. She felt her body shake and knew it had nothing to do with her powers and everything to do with finally letting go of the hurt. “He hugged me…he just hugged me.” 

Melinda moved closer to Phil, both watching as they let their surrogate child let go of the last of her anguish.

“And Fitz,” She fell back into her chair and covered her face with one hand. “Fitz is probably still mad. He barely looks at me.” She looked up at them, dark eye shadow now streaking black tears over her cheek. Coulson pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her. If the situation had been different he knew the girl would have smirked a sarcastic ‘nerd’ at his action. But she just took it and wiped her face. May leaned back against the desk and folded her arms over her chest. To most it would seem she assumed a disgusted stance, Daisy knew she was simply calming herself. She took the hint and watched the rise and fall of her mentor’s chest seeking to match it with her own, to calm herself at the same time. 

“And then he…he’s nice to me…he forgives me and I don’t…I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve any of you.” She wasn’t doing a very good job at controlling her emotions now. She didn’t even want to, for the first time in months she just wanted to cry to just let go of all that bravado and let someone else bear the weight. “I came here…” She looked at her hands wringing the smudged kerchief around her fingers then looked up to the two people who meant more to her than she wanted to admit, especially now that she had let them down so badly. “You brought me here because I was rotten…I lied my way in and betrayed you and screwed up over and over and you just keep forgiving me. Why? You come after me despite everything. You risk everything; act stupid and selfish to get me back. Why?”

May stifled a smile realizing how the girl had turned her words around on them. She lowered her head and shuffled from foot to foot then looked the girl in the eye causing her to once again drop her gaze to her hands.

Coulson dropped to his haunches in front of her stilling her hands with his own. “Daisy, we’re family. Don’t you know that by now? We care…we l…I love you, kid.” He squeezed her hands and the sob she held finally escaped in earnest. “We certainly wouldn’t be here, reaming you out if we didn’t.” She sobbed harder and pulled away one hand to use the crumpled hanky. “When you choose this life, you know going in there are going to be losses and you do your best to keep your distance but some people,” he cast a quick glance over his shoulder at May who rolled her eyes and pulled up one side of her mouth. “Some people make that very difficult.” He put a finger under Daisy’s chin, lifting her head to look in her eyes. “You are one of the two people I cannot distance myself from, no matter how hard I try or how far you try to run.” She closed her eyes tight as the tears fell and her body shook with a silent sob. 

“Come ‘ere,” he sighed rising to his feet and pulling her with him. He wrapped her in a hug, holding her head against his chest. She shook with heavy sobs but relished the warmth of his embrace, an embrace she’d missed and needed for so very long, an embrace she’d avoided thinking he would never want to so much as touch her after being swayed by Hive, after all she’d done. After she’d let him down so hard and hurt him so badly, how could he still care so much? 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered between sobs, “so sorry.” She suddenly felt very small, very young, very vulnerable. “Please don’t let me go.” The words came out in staccato sobs as she wrapped her own arms around him and hugged tightly. “Don’t let me go.” She whispered.

Coulson held her tighter and kissed the top of her head, looking over it at May who still stood against the desk. “Never,” he whispered back.

“Always the push-over,” May sighed as she stepped next to them. Coulson swayed slightly and smiled at her as she put a hand on the girl’s arm. “Leaves me to do the dirty work,” she grumbled as Daisy turned toward her voice. They exchanged weak smiles as Phil released her and May reached out placing her strong hands on Daisy’s upper arms. She gave a gentle squeeze that the girl understood as her way of hugging. 

“You,” she gave the girl a soft shake, “have screwed up royally.” 

Daisy sniffled and gave a quick nod, then at May’s scowl hiccoughed, “yes, ma’am”

“What I should do is beat your ass from here to the Hub and back!” She was serious. Daisy raised her eyebrows. “Seeing as it doesn’t exist anymore, this is what’s going to happen…”

The girl looked to Coulson who still stood at her side. He shrugged his shoulders. “Mom’s the boss.” He simply commented doing his own eyebrow raise and flashing that goofy smile. Daisy returned a shy smile then turned back to May.

“You are going back to your quarters…” She started.

“You’re grounding me?!” Daisy sounded incredulous.

May glared, silencing her immediately. “Let me finish.” Daisy simply listened. “You will return to your quarters, scrub your face – clean – get that crap out of your hair and clean your nails. I don’t like the look and you’re better than that…and pull up that zipper!” She reached out quickly and yanked up the zipper effectively covering the girl’s exposed chest. “Find something comfortable to wear and meet us in the com, we all need something to eat. Then get a good night’s sleep.”

Daisy knit her brows and sniffled again. “That’s it, that’s all?”

May reached up with one hand and patted her cheek softly. “You will meet me on the mats at 5 a.m. and assist me in giving the new recruits a demonstration in the proper use of quarter staffs.”

Daisy’s shoulders fell but she stifled the groan that she knew would only make things worse. Quarter staffs were not her strong suit, in fact she totally sucked at using the dumb things, always did. Therefore it was May’s go to workout when she was extremely pissed at her. Daisy knew she’d be spending a lot of time on her backside in front of those new recruits. She grimaced at the thought. On the bright side, the bruises wouldn’t show…at least not where anyone would see them.

May squeezed her arms again and gave another shake that was a bit less gentle. “One minute after five I come after you and reconsider that beating.” Before Daisy could respond the woman pulled her into a tight hug. “And don’t you ever pull a stunt like that again.” She whispered close to her ear.

Phil wrapped his arms around both of them.


End file.
